Lost in the lyrics (again)

Awhile back I posted about misunderstanding the lyrics of songs.  Since then I have realized a few things. 

 1) My hearing is not what it used to be.  Actually that's not true.  I've been hearing the wrong lyrics in songs since I was a kid and it continues to this day.

Let's try this.

2) Artists sing about strange things.  Or maybe it's just me thinking I am hearing strange things.

For instance, why would you sing about dying without chew?  I mean tobacco chew is what could actually make you die, not living without it.  PM Dawn sure has that song all wrong.  

Oh wait, what's that they're singing?  "I'd die without you."  Ah!  That makes a bit more sense.

And that other 80's song by Til Tuesday.  "Hush, hush, keep it down now, this is scary."  What is so scary that you have to keep quiet about? I heard this song on our satellite radio the other day.  The nice (and humbling) thing about satellite radio is that they display the artists name and song title on the screen.  That is when I learned the truth about this song called "Voices Carry".  So that's why she's singing about keeping her voice down.  

Should I continue on with this embarrassment?  Oh, why not!  

I have always liked Prince or is he still going by The Artist Formerly Known as Prince (insert some strange symbol)?  Either way he provided me with an opportunity to get lost in the lyrics of "Little Red Corvette."  Now I have to give myself some credit here - this song was popular when I was just a kid.  And my family was friends with another family who had a daughter named Colette.  Are you starting to follow me on this one yet?  So every time I would hear this song I always thought it was about this girl and Prince was singing, "Live it Colette." 

I'll be the first to admit it - yes, I am a dork.  And proud of it!

How about one more for old time's sake?  Then I promise I am done and will keep the rest to myself.  Deal?  

There's a trend here - 80's music.  You've got to love Mr. Mister.  My brother had one of their records, so I had my chance to listen to it over and over again which could have benefited me in getting the right lyrics down, but instead it ingrained the wrong lyrics in my head for eternity.  Remember the song Kyrie? Great song, right?  But man did I have those lyrics all wrong.  This is what they are actually singing: 

"Kýrie, eléison, down the road that I must travel

Kýrie, eléison, through the darkness of the night"

But my twisted and young mind sang it this way, "Carry a laser down the road that I must travel.  Carry a laser through the darkness of the night." 

You never know when you're going to need a laser, kind of like a flashlight.

You can stop laughing at me now.  

Do you know what the definition of 'Kyrie eleison' is?  

It's Greek for "Lord, have mercy." 

Maybe you could all show me some of that mercy right about now.          

You know what they say about kids

They sure say the darndest things.  Here we go again with another installment from my boys.

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While in the car Luke announced that he doesn't like O's.  I asked what's wrong with the letter O?  And he responded, "Because they're too O-ey."

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Luke and I were outside and a guy runs past us with his shirt off.  Luke saw him and right as he was within 12 feet of us he said, "That guy's strong!"

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While driving in the van on a beautiful day I had the windows down.  We drove past a garden center where there was a large fresh pile of strong pungent smelling mulch.  As the smell entered our van Luke said, "Pee-u.  What's that smell?"  I told him it was the mulch.  Then he asked, "Does mulch fart?"

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During the summer months at the church we go to we bring Taylor and Carson with us while Luke goes to his pre-school class.  During Carson's first "adult" church experience he was very curious and was looking around.  The offering plate was being passed and after it came to us Carson said, "I thought they were passing around pie."

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During the same church service and after sitting and listening to the pastor speak for a half hour, Carson leaned over to me and asked, "Mom, is that guy getting tired yet?"

Who can I yell at next?

Our garage sale was a success for the most part.  I made a decent amount of cash and got rid of a lot of junk treasures.  And the larger items that didn't sell at the sale I posted on Craigslist, which I was a little hesitant at first from the last situation that I encountered, but I figured how much could someone try and rip me off from a Thomas the Train bedding set.  Really?

Granny panties stopped by for a visit and to check out my book collection.  I almost didn't recognize her with pants on.  She spent a whopping $0.75 on some tea light candles.   

The kids each scored some cash from selling cookies and water at the sale.  Plus I was a nice mom and gave the boys $10 each since they somewhat willingly parted with their toys.  

Today the boys wanted to go to Target and spend their money that was burning a hole in their pocket.  They're totally not savers, which I suppose I should work on that concept with them, but I felt they deserved a reward.

Carson and Luke each picked out a new light saber to add to the collection of light sabers we already own.  We're starting our own Star Wars gang so if your kids ever come over for a play date don't worry if you forget to bring a light saber - we've got you covered.  Plus we have plenty of costumes and other props to make it a fun time for all.

At the check out I wasn't paying attention to the boys which I thought were right behind me.  So when I heard one of them ask if we could buy a popcorn I sternly without looking said, "No - not today."  I look up at the cashier who is chuckling and then look back at my boys who were not behind me like I thought they were.  So, yeah I totally just yelled at someone else's kid who was now clinging to his mother's leg.  Meanwhile my boys are ahead of me checking out the popcorn.  

My face sure matched the color of the bulls-eye as I walked out of Target. 

When we got home I noticed that a bowl of soup that Taylor had left on the counter was now spilled all over the kitchen floor and sticky dog prints were mixed in the mess.  And this occurred after I spent the entire morning deep cleaning the entire house for company we have coming tonight.  I had already mopped the floors and now have to re-mop that area.  And of course the dog is going to need a bath because who wants to pet a dog that's sticky and smells like soup?  

Do I yell at Taylor who left the soup out or yell at the dog who helped herself?  Why don't I just go back to Target and pick my next victim? That seems to be working well for me.    

Granny panties and dentures

Maybe that should be the name of my blog since it's been ages since I last posted.  It's kind of catchy don't you think?  

But no, I'm not changing my name again.  

I decided to have a garage sale this past weekend.  I made signs and posted them throughout the surrounding neighborhoods along with some of the signs I had purchased at the store.  I placed an ad in the 'local' paper which ended up being the wrong paper.  I found out there are like 6 other local papers that the main garage sale people look at.  How was I supposed to know that when all we get is the Wall Street Journal?  Hey, I could have advertised globally!  

The night before the sale my oldest son Taylor and I decided to drive around and check out how the signs looked.  In the adjoining neighborhood, I noticed that two of my signs were missing.  My first thought was that maybe some punk kids took them as a prank, but I recalled that this was a retirement community so I decided to investigate further.  

I pulled up to a neighbor's house where a couple was out in their yard and asked them if they knew anything about garage sale signs being confiscated.  That's where I first learned of the sign Nazi.  Supposedly this guy goes around and is the neighborhood watch man who will take down any sign because he's crazy part of the home owners association and in that neighborhood it is written in the bi-laws that garage sales are not allowed.  

Whatever.  

I am thankful I don't live in that part of the neighborhood.  

After finding out about this old dude and where he lived I was hot and ready for a confrontation.  Yes, I went to his house (with my son) and knocked on his door at 8pm Thursday evening.

An older lady answers the door in a t-shirt and underwear!  Total granny panties.  As much as I tried not to look down I couldn't believe what I was seeing and not wanting to see.  You know what they say about a car wreck - you just can't believe what you're seeing and can't look away.  That is what I felt like.  

I asked if the man of the house was home, but she said he was asleep.  So I continued to ask if she knew of any reason someone would take down my garage sale signs.  She immediately got defensive saying she didn't know anything about the signs, but there are no garage sales allowed in the neighborhood.  I explained to her that I placed my sign on the outside of the subdivision not even in any one's yard.  Then she told me to go to her garage where she opened it and walked out (still in her underwear) holding my hand made sign.  (At this point Taylor decided to wait in the van - he'd seen enough.)

Sure - she didn't know anything about signs.  Puh-lease!  

At this same time another couple pulls up asking about their signs that they placed in the neighborhood.  The three of them start to argue and out comes the man I originally came to see.  He walks out of the garage in his robe and slippers and I notice he is placing his dentures in his mouth.  He begins to yell at these other people and obscenities are flying.  All I wanted to do at this point was crawl away with my sign.  

The other neighbors decide to drive away and the robe-wearing-denture man walks into his garage and comes back out holding my other store bought sign.  I was so excited to get both of my signs back that I almost forgot I saw a lady in her undies and a man insert his teeth.  

The lady instantly changes her demeanor and starts apologizing profusely.  She grabs my hand and starts acting like my best friend, asking about my garage sale and if I am selling any books.  

What. just. happened?  

I thank her for my signs and start backing away making some excuse that I need to get home.  

I had to apologize to my son for having to see what he saw.  He might be scarred for life.  But I was glad I decided to follow through, even if it meant meeting some crazy, rule-abiding, half-naked, toothless neighbors.     

    

Insult or compliment?

I went to one of those wholesale clubs today to do some grocery shopping.  I don't mind going during the afternoon for a few reasons.  

First and foremost, I only have to bring one child with me since the other two are in school or for at least 2 more weeks this will be the case.  After that it looks like I'll be doing my shopping at midnight when they're all asleep. Have you ever tried shopping with 3 overly excited boys?

Enough said.  

Another reason I enjoy the afternoon shopping is that there are not too many people out and about which makes it easier to navigate the store especially with a child in tow.  This leaves more room for said child to practice his sprints down the aisles and his swinging from the racks and shelves.  Plus there is less of a crowd to witness my screams and threats attempts at discipline. 

And finally, I love the afternoon shopping time because of all the great free samples down every other aisle.  Heck, my child and I can get a free lunch out of it if I plan it right.  And today's trip was no different.  We sampled some dried cranberries at one station and the next station had these pancakes from an aerosol spray can - creepy and totally lazy concept if you ask me and they didn't even taste very good.  

Then we came to the instant breakfast lady who was handing out some really tasty chocolate milk, which I guess is supposed to be a meal replacement.  Luke and I both really liked it and started to walk off to continue our shopping and free lunch parade.  Well this lady must work off commission because she continued to talk to me and walk towards us rattling off her sales pitch.  Except when she got done telling me about how people use this as a diet supplement to help lose weight.  She paused, reflected for a moment, and then after giving me a full body scan, she completely reversed her sales pitch and was trying to sell me on the idea that I could use it as a weight gain product and benefit from the extra calories.  

What the?  Did I just get insulted or complimented?  Strange way to sell a product.  

Family Photo Shoot

I am so thrilled to have had the opportunity to not only get our family pictures taken this past weekend, but have them done in such professional, high quality.  Check out how awesome these shots are. 

 If you are in the NW Indiana area (or feel like traveling for some wonderful photo memories) you HAVE to check out beth fletcher photography.  She is having an amazing spring sale right now that you don't want to miss.  I can't say enough about how great of an experience this was for our family.  She made it feel like we were on an adventure, not a photo shoot.  The kids cooperated exceptionally well and I know it all had to do with her ability to make it fun for them. 

I highly recommend using Beth's amazing photography skills for your family's next portrait.  The experience was unforgettable as are the lasting pictures.  She captured our life picture perfect!    

Fun times

Ever since we moved into this house almost a year ago the kids have been fascinated with the stairs.  This is the first house out of four that we've lived that wasn't a ranch. The kids feel like we scored a never ending carnival ride with the purchase of this house.  

I've caught them riding the stairs on a twin mattress, cardboard, laundry baskets, winter sleds, sleeping bags, and of course their own bodies.  They just pull on a pair of slippery shorts or pants and they have their own indoor slide - no money or tickets necessary.  That is until one of the rides turns into a trip to the ER.  But fortunately that has not happened - yet.  With 3 boys I am sure it's bound to occur sooner or later.  

It's funny to watch how entertained they can be with a simple house feature like a staircase.  

Kids must be oblivious to rug burn.  

Next time I'll turn the lights on first.

The other night after I had put the kids to bed I sat down to watch some TV.  It was around 10:30 pm and I was hungry, so I decided to cook myself a frozen pizza.  This is not something I normally do, but it sounded good at the time.  I had bought a 3 pack of the Home Run cheese pizzas - they have really good tasting crust even though they are flat and dense looking. 

Not wanting to take any unnecessary steps because I am lazy turn on the lights, I preheated the oven in the dark with the exception of the nightlight built into the refrigerator.  I pulled out the stone and placed the pizza on it.  Once the oven was preheated, in went the pizza.  

When the timer went off I checked on the pizza and thought it looked kind of odd so I let it cook a little longer.  Five minutes later it still looked strange so I thought I had better turn the kitchen light on to see what the problem might be.  

I flipped the light on, went over to the pizza and realized this whole time I had been cooking the pizza up-side-freakin'-down.  I kid you not.  But I wasn't about to let it go to waste.  It still tasted normal but with an extra crispness of cheese.  

UGH!

Keeping up with the big kids.

Only 10 short days ago my baby turned 4 years old.  And look at what he's doing today.  This was entirely his decision.  He came up to me and asked me to take his training wheels off.  I was a little hesitant at first, but agreed to let him try.  There were no crashes, skinned knees or tears.  Just a very brave boy who's growing up too fast.  

I'm so proud of him, but in a way it is bittersweet.  First it's a bike, then next thing you know he'll be driving off in a car.  I don't think I'll ever be ready for that moment.  I'll just take it one milestone at a time.

Back to what I do best.

Or should I say what my boys do best - make me laugh.  And I hope they do the same for you.

And on a side note, I did not win the Tweet contest.  Boo!  But I must say the winner had a very cute entry.  Thanks so much to those of you who voted for me.  You're the best!  

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It was bedtime and I had not yet taken a shower from my workout at the gym earlier that evening.  Needless to say I was stank-ey.  I went in to Luke's room to tuck him in and sat on the side of his bed.  He pulled the covers up to his nose and made a yucky face.  I told him I was sorry that I was stinky.  And he replied, "Just run from your stink.  It'll go away."

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Carson was sitting at the table playing with skateboard people and I walked over to him.  He stopped playing and said, "Look at how big my toes are.  Does that mean I'm getting bigger?"

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I asked Carson what him and Luke were playing.  He said, "We're looking for bad guys."  So I asked, "What are you, the F.B.I?"  Carson looked at me with a funny face and asked, "What is that?  America's Funniest Videos?"

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Carson was making projects at the kitchen table and asked me, "Mom, can you give me two slices of tape?"

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I overheard a conversation between Carson and Taylor:

Carson: "Did you know this granola bar has 80 calories in it?"

Taylor: "Why should you care?  Eat it anyway."

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Luke and I were at the store and we came to the eggs section.  I asked Luke to help me pick a carton.  He pointed at the brown eggs and said, "How about those chocolate eggs?"

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Luke's word for dandelions is "dandy-lands"

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Carson had a serious look on his face so I asked him if he was feeling okay.  He responded, "I'm just concentrating."

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I took Luke to his 4 year check up.  In the past he has been  great at doctor office visits, but for some reason he decided to freak out and cry the entire time.  After the appointment when we were walking back to the car (and he was still upset) he said, "I don't want to be 4 anymore."

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I asked Luke what kind of present we should get his pre-school teacher for the last day of school.  He replied, "a new vacuum."

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After church I asked Luke what he had learned.  He replied, "Jesus died on the cross for our cousins." I think he meant sins.