Before we had kids I never really thought about the kind of family I wanted to have or how many kids, if any, I was hoping for.
It was the unexpected that blessed us with our first born son. Becoming parents at such a young age had it's advantages and disadvantages. I felt that being a mom came naturally to me, or maybe I was ignorant, but I didn't seem to freak out with the newness that came with a newborn. I just went with the flow and I have very fond memories of our early days of becoming parents. Even if Jason and I and our new baby made our start living in the bedroom I grew up in, we still felt like a family, an unexperienced family, but none the less, the 3 of us were making our start.
The years went by, we went from renting an apartment, to buying our first house together, and having an only child that hung out with adults all day was starting to stir up feelings of wanting another baby. By this time Taylor was getting ready to turn five and I wanted him and his sibling to be somewhat close in age. I felt Taylor could use a playmate and selfishly was hoping to add a daughter to the family. It would round things out nicely and we'd be done. The perfect family of 4 plus dog.
But, then again, those were my plans and ideas, and I have come to realize that I am not in control of what is to come. I figured since it was so easy, and quite frankly way too easy, to get pregnant the first time without even making a conscious effort, then this time around would be a breeze. I remember going into my yearly ob appointment thinking for sure I was pregnant and when they gave me the test and it came back negative I was honestly devastated. How could it be? I was convinced that I was pregnant. So we were back to trying, which you know, isn't bad, but when you're on a quest to conceive, it puts a whole new perspective on things.
The next month approaches, and I anticipate a visit from aunt flo since I had no hopes or feelings of being pregnant. She didn't arrive. I took a pregnancy test and sure enough, I was pregnant again. When we didn't expect it - there it was. I was so excited and couldn't wait to share the news. When we went to the ultrasound and found out we were having another boy, I was happy, yet at the same time my hopes for a girl were taken away. I had to snap back to reality and be grateful that we were able to get pregnant, and also that a healthy baby was growing and would soon enter this world.
The arrival of Carson was explosive. I was scheduled to be induced the next day, but we barely made it to the hospital on time the morning before, and 45 minutes later he made his appearance. That is just like Carson. He does things on his terms. He can be such a difficult boy at times, but then I see his independence and realize that him and I have so much in common. I just hope he can use this positively and to his advantage as he grows older.
Our family was now a foursome. A very nice foursome too. Taylor had a sibling that I wanted him to have. But there was still that lingering thought in my head. What would it be like to have a girl? How cute would she be? How much could I and the grandparents spoil her? These thoughts would not go away. And I thought that I had a good chance that if we were to have one more child, it would have to be a girl. I came from a family where I had 2 older brothers and then came me, and my dad's family had 2 boys and then a girl. The odds looked good, so after much discussion we began our attempt for Jaylyn.
Well, as you all know, our Jaylyn turned into Luke. But I couldn't be more excited to be a mommy to my 3 boys. They are a blessing in our lives. I may not think it every moment of every day, but I am so glad that my plans and ideas of the "perfect" family were very different than what they turned out to be.
Now when people ask me when we are going to try for a girl, I look at them like they have bugs crawling out of their head. We are done and have made sure of that.
I'll just be waiting for those granddaughters, you know, the ones I never was able to give to my parents and in-laws.