Saturday, December 12, 2009

My List.

Third from the left. It's simple really. I'm not asking too much.

Fine, if I can't have that, then I'll settle for this sweet thing.

I think she would make a perfect birthday or even Christmas present, don't you?

Come on Santa, I've been a good girl this year!

Wednesday, December 02, 2009

Lesson learned (the hard way)

I could have titled this so many different ways, but the bottom line is that I've learned my lesson and I had to learn it the hard way.

The other night I noticed a girl at the gym put on this brace type of contraption around her waist before doing step class. I thought it was a back brace of some sort. After class she took it off and I was curious. I asked her what she used it for and she told me it was a sweat band. It helps shed excess water weight and also helps compress and support the abdomen.

After having 3 children, I could use all the extra support I can get in my belly, so I thought I would give it a try, especially since it only cost me $5. It was very comfortable and I could feel the warmth as soon as I put it on, which was nice since it was a chilly day. I've worn back braces in the past and this was a similar feel compression wise, but much more comfortable.

My trial run during the day went great and I decided to keep it on during the class I taught in the evening. I was a little concerned that it would inhibit my movement, but I was very pleased and comfortable throughout each exercise and could hardly tell it was on until I started sweating.

During the abs section I could feel it sliding around a bit and a few air pockets formed. Luckily the music volume concealed any noise from the belt. I continued through each different exercise and towards the end I had worked up a good sweat, more than normal I thought. This is the moment I took a glance at myself in the mirror and was horrified at what I saw.

It totally looked like I had peed my pants! I was so embarrassed. Apparently all the abdominal sweating I was doing wasn't actually being absorbed into the belt, but gravity was taking it down south. It was ridiculous. And of course it didn't help that I had on a gray pair of workout pants. That totally accentuated the pee look.

After class I immediately took off the belt, put it away, and tied my shirt around my waist. A few members came up to me afterwards and I explained my dilemma. Of course I had to laugh at myself, and jokingly I vowed next time I would remember to wear my Depends.

Why is it that I have to learn lessons the hard (and embarrassing) way?

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

From a kid's perspective

It's been awhile since I blogged about the cute and funny things my boys say and do. I love the outlook kids have on life. Some days I wish I could relive and experience that same point of view. But as an adult I can just sit back and cherish these moments and document them to enjoy for years to come.
Six year old Carson is a big football fan, but is still figuring out the different teams. One day the Cincinnati Bengals were playing, but Carson called them the "Dang-gors."
Jason and I were talking about how cold it was outside and he said his toes were cold. Four year old Luke, listening in on our conversation while playing his DS, said in a casual voice, "My nuts are cold."
While putting away dishes, I got a measuring cup stuck in the drawer. Being a conscious mother, I yelled out, "Oh Poop!" Luke was sitting nearby and defensively said, "I didn't poop!"
We were sitting around the dinner table having a conversation and Carson was talking about his day at school. In a sad tone he said, "Mom, I missed you and I almost cried today." Then very matter-of-factly he replied, "But I got over it."
Carson woke up with a stomach ache which turned into vomiting and diarrhea. After his 3rd episode of liquid poop (sorry to be so descriptive) I looked in the toilet and said, "Hey, that looks like a worm." Carson replied in a seriously disgusted voice, "Ewww, gross, I don't eat worms!"
I took Luke out to lunch with me at one of my favorite burger joints, Five Guys. While we were sitting and having our lunch, one of the workers was on his lunch break and was eating his burger and fries. Luke noticed this and in a very concerned manner he said, "Hey, that worker is eating other people's lunches!"

Sunday, November 15, 2009

Take that stains!

With all the working out that I do, it is inevitable that sweat and I go hand in hand (or should I say armpit in armpit). I normally like to wear dark colored shirts, but there are times when I wear a white shirt, and it never fails that I get perspiration stains under the arms. In the past I would just throw out the shirt, but that is such a waste of money. I've researched ways to remove the stains with some at home treatments and in doing so, I came across this amazing website.

What are some of your stain removal tips and tricks? I'm always looking for great cleaning advice.

Also, click here to find a ton of other cleaning and organizing tips.

Is it a Perspiration Stain or Deodorant/Antiperspirant Stains?

It can sometimes be confusing as to whether that underarm or armpit stain is from perspiration or deodorant/antiperspirant. If the stain is yellow or green in color and has a crunchy or crispy texture, it’s due to perspiration. If the stain, however, is white or clear with a greasy texture, it’s due to the antiperspirant and should be treated as a grease stain with the appropriate solvent.

Step Away from the Bleach!

Although it’s counterintuitive, chlorine bleach is one of the worst things you can use to treat perspiration stains, even on white cotton fabric. The chlorine in household bleach will react with the proteins in the perspiration and cause the remaining stain to darken even further. You thought the pale yellow stains gave you pause – just wait until your collar and underarms are almost mustard in color!

Stain Removal Option #1 – Start Simple with Detergent

There are so many great liquid laundry detergents on the market today that specialize in treating tough protein stains; the simplest first step in removing perspiration stains is to use liquid laundry detergent. We recommend using one that’s labeled as having oxygenated powers or concentrating in protein-based stains such as food and grass stains. Treat the affected area with full-strength liquid laundry detergent and let sit for 30 minutes. Launder as usual and air dry.

Stain Removal Option #2 – Solar-Powered Stain Removal

If liquid laundry detergent alone doesn’t remove those nasty perspiration stains, try it combined with the ultimate natural treatment option, the sun. Dampen the affected area and treat it thoroughly with full-strength detergent. Then lay the item out in the sun. Be sure to check on the garment regularly and keep it damp with a misting bottle. After a full afternoon in the sun, launder on cool and air dry.

Stain Removal Option #3 - Hydrogen Peroxide to the Rescue

With white fabrics, hydrogen peroxide is one of the best possible solutions for perspiration stain removal. The hydrogen peroxide will react with the proteins in the perspiration and break them apart, helping to prevent the gradual darkening of the area over time. Hydrogen peroxide is, however, like chlorine bleach in its whitening properties. It’s therefore to be approached with extreme caution around colored fabrics.

You can use the hydrogen peroxide either full-strength or diluted to half-strength (half water, half hydrogen peroxide). Since less is more, we recommend always starting with half-strength and adding more if necessary. Pour your hydrogen peroxide solution onto the stain and allow it to soak for 30 minutes. Launder on cool and air dry. If the stain remains, soak it for another 30 minutes in a stronger solution (more hydrogen peroxide).

Stain Removal Option #4 – Vinegar and Water

If hydrogen peroxide is too harsh for your colored fabric, another option that is usually safer for colors is a solution of vinegar and water. Use 1 Tablespoon of white vinegar and a half-cup of water to clean out stubborn perspiration stains. Allow the affected area to soak for 20-30 minutes, and then launder on cool.

Stain Removal Option #5 – Cream of Tartar and Aspirin

If you just can’t get the stains out with detergent, hydrogen peroxide, or vinegar, make a paste to scrub in with your old toothbrush. The paste is formed with 1 Tablespoon of Cream of Tartar, 3 crushed aspirins (full-strength, ensure that they’re white and have no colored coating), and a cup of warm water. Use the old toothbrush to work the paste into the fabric, and then leave for 20 minutes. Rinse the affected area in warm water until the paste is removed. This treatment and rinse cycle can be repeated as necessary.

Perspiration stains can turn your favorite shirt into the one you reach for only when everything else is dirty. But this doesn’t have to happen. Reclaim your favorite shirts by removing perspiration stains without sweating much at all!

Saturday, October 31, 2009

Halloween Crew 2009

And what a combination they were. I present to you the Ninja, the old man (Ghetto style), and the police officer. Each of them choose their own costumes this year.

Halloween Revisited

This post was originally posted last Halloween (2008) and thought it would be fun to revisit some past Halloween moments:


Happy Halloween everyone! I wish you and your families a fun-filled, sugar-high, spooky night of fun. What are your little ghost and goblins dressing up as tonight as you make your way around the neighborhood?

I thought it would be fun to recall some of the past Halloween costumes I and my family have worn.

What were some of your favorites when you would dress up for Halloween? It's such a fun time of year where you can be a "kid" again.

Most recently, last year my golf course costume (which won me first place in a contest!)

Also, last year at our Mommy's Group Halloween Party.
I was a one-horned devil a.k.a. "One Horny Devil"

Here is the family in 2003 as the Scooby Doo Gang.
I still can't believe I convinced my husband to spray paint his hair and tie a scarf ascot around his neck. He's a true sport! Gotta love that Halloween spirit.

Here I am in 2001 with my skeleton son and Devil dog daughter. I love this picture and had to include it even though I didn't dress up that year.

1999 - My Alanis Morissette obsession phase (that lasted too long). Along with my son the cow. What a combination.

And here are the happy dead bride and groom in 1998. These costumes were so much fun.

And what dead bride and groom wouldn't be complete without their offspring Cookie Monster son?

Now we jump way back to the past to 1985. I am the Gizmo creature from the movie Gremlins (that my super talented Dad sewed from scratch) and my best bud Jenny the clown is pictured next to me. Some neighbor we didn't even know invited us into their house to take our picture. Luckily it was a lot safer back then than it is this day in age and we both lived to tell the story.

Oh yes, the punk rocker chick in 1986. I had aspirations! Check out those jelly bracelets!

And every girls dream - to be a ditzy cheerleader back in 1987.
That concludes my caught-on-camera Halloween costumes. I hope you've enjoyed this blast from the past. I know I sure did.

Have a fun and Happy Halloween.

Sunday, October 25, 2009

Football or Bust!

Apparently my 6 year old thinks I'm the bust mom.


You gotta love phonetic spelling.

Thursday, October 15, 2009

The letter H

Today's letter of the day is brought to you by Luke.

It was letter H day at preschool. Each child was to wear a crazy hat. Luke choose a motorcycle helmet - how clever. They had a healthy snack and worked on their H homework.

I picked Luke up after school and he handed me his papers from the day. I looked over them and was happy with his handiwork. He continued to tell me about the sound that the letter H makes, "hhhhaa."

"Very good," I replied and continued to say words that began with the h sound making sure I enunciated the beginning h sound of each word, "hhhhouse, hhhat, hhhelp."

Luke gave it a try and responded, "hhhhzebra."

We'll keep working on that letter H.

Monday, October 12, 2009

Battle scars

First, it was the end of April when Luke slipped off the couch-fort him and his brothers made and smacked his chubby little cheek on the coffee table causing a nasty gash. It didn't phase him much.

Then there was a bee sting 3 weeks ago that left his poor little ear red and swollen. There were no apparent stingers, so a good icing and a some motrin and he was good to go.

Or so I thought.
(He was not too happy about this event and told me that bees are no longer his friend.)

A week later he complained of his ear being hot and itchy. I called the doctor's office and they felt he should come in to be seen. We find out that his ear was infected and gets put on an antibiotic for a week. That seemed to do the trick.

Then 2 days ago the boys were riding their bikes in circles in the garage. Luke made a quick turn and down he went smacking his forehead onto the hard concrete floor. He's got a nice shiner to show for it.

This boy sure has had his share of battle scars the past few months. And through it all, he's still such a cutie-pie!

Saturday, October 10, 2009

Homemade is best.

So, even though we have one of these in our backyard and it was a beautiful fall day today,

My oldest son and a neighbor friend decided to create this in the basement instead:


Thursday, October 08, 2009

Put some clothes on.

I was searching around the other day for new ab workout ideas and came across some old workout video tapes (yes, as in VHS). Back in the day before I became a gym rat I did these videos in the comfy privacy of my pajamas home.

For old times sake (and a really good laugh) I put in my Arms and Abs of Steel video from 1992.


The workout was pretty good and I am going to steal use a few of her moves, but the outfit and the hair and the music and did I mention the outfit?

The box should seriously have had a warning label on it. WARNING: Bad feathered bangs sticking out of a cycling hat straight from the 80's, bright blinding white workout shoes with stretched out tube socks, and lack of clothing. She had on a green sports bra - ok I get that, even though you wouldn't catch me wearing one by itself. But seriously, panty hose and a matching green thong! What?!?!

Luke was sitting with me watching it and I felt like I should have been covering his eyes. His comment said it all. He asked, "Mom, why is that lady naked?"


Tuesday, October 06, 2009

How to tell your man you love him.

Today in the mail came a package of coupons. I thumbed through them expecting the same old advertisements and anticipated throwing them all in the recycle bin.

But one coupon in particular sparked my interest.

So apparently they are marketing this new chocolate covered bacon to men. What? We women don't love bacon too? Maybe the carnivorous men are more apt to devour this new concoction. But hurry it's limited time only - just in time for Sweetest Day! There's no better way to say "I love you honey" than fat lard covered in chocolate.

And if you happen to miss your once in a lifetime opportunity to indulge yourself with this artery clogging delectable delight, I happened to find a chocolate covered bacon recipe so you can do it yourself. Now that would be a memorable way to celebrate Sweetest Day.

Bacon and chocolate = the way to win a man's heart (via stomach).

I suppose a side of antacid would be a nice compliment to this "treat."

Us American's will dip anything in chocolate. To your health!

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Excuse you Luke.

Luke watches his video over and over again and gets the biggest kick out of it.

Tuesday, September 08, 2009


It's so easy in life to substitute one thing for another whether it be good or bad. There's always a need/want that wants/needs to be filled.

I'm not trying to get "deep" here or anything, but I did want to make a confession. I've been doing a lot of substitutions.

And it's all Facebooks fault.

You see this little ol' blog of mine hasn't seen much action these past few months. You could say I fell off the hypothetical blog-wagon and that would be half true. Time and energy just haven't made blogging a priority in my life.

But I have Facebook and that has provided me with an outlet to briefly get those quirky thoughts that would have normally evolved into a blog post out of my head. And that's a good thing in one sense.

I like having the option of stating what's on my mind for the whole Facebook world of my friends to see, not that it's anything of importance, but usually a random thought here and there.

So, just to recap for any of you who read my blog and are not listed as a friend of mine on Facebook, here are my "what's on your mind" posts, or my "mini-blogs" for the month of August.

  • The sandbox is SO overrated!

  • Taste of Cleveland wasn't all I thought it would be. Oh well. Up next, Popcorn Fest.

  • Has anyone used Skype before?

  • Went to check on Luke who was playing with chalk in the driveway, and I asked him what he was doing. He replied, "I'm chalking." I didn't know you could use that word as a verb, but I guess when you're 4 it's quite alright and pretty cute if you ask me.

  • Skipped step class tonight to have dinner with the family and in-laws at Cheesecake Factory - no regrets!

  • Wow my muscles could use a massage right about now.

  • Watching the movie Bridge To Terabithia with my boys. Looks like I don't have to wash my eye make up off tonight. Geesh!

  • A cupcake and coffee for breakfast. Not a bad way to start the day.

  • I almost had a panic attack. I thought I ran out of wine. But I'm good now.

  • At doctor's office waiting to get Carson's cast off. (August 26th)

  • Anyone want to take a guess as to how many infections were found on my oldest son's computer? Go on, give it a try.
  • So the correct answer is 368! Ridiculous. Needless to say, the computer is dead and is not getting fixed.

  • So I asked my 6 y.o. if he was excited for his 1st day of school tomorrow and he replied, "I hope I don't have to sit next to any girls." Typical response from a 1st grade boy.

  • I am so hooked on hummus.

  • Today's equation: Humidity + a whack job haircut = mushroom head = eternal ponytails.

  • My 4 y.o. just pointed at a martini glass and asked why I don't use that one? I said, "because it's for martinis." And he replied, "Oh, it's for your teenies."

  • Went to the Dr. and found out I have some type of eye infection and have to wear my glasses for the next week. I hope they stay on my face when I'm jumping around at the gym.

  • Enjoyed a good 2 hours at the gym tonight and subbed a few classes. Good times. Wine and bed. Goodnight!

  • Heading up to Chicago for the Edwin concert tonight!

  • Will someone come over and clean my house for me please? I'm just not in the mood.

  • $75 and 2 cuts later, I'm still not happy with my hair. Ugh. I miss my Indiana hair stylist.

  • Just popped in the movie "The Goonies" - and in 80's style I am watching it via VHS tape. Am I authentic or what?!?!

  • Chop, chippity, chop, chop.....

  • To chop or not to chop? That is my question.

  • Was greeted by a snake and a toad while sitting outside in the front yard this evening. Sorry Becky for screaming in your ear when we were on the phone!

  • I should still be sleeping, but my mind is running. Looks like it's coffee time.

  • Lovin' the Cherry Kiss Martinis tonight - thanks Kristin - wish you were here!

  • Just watched "I am Legend." I think I may have some bad dreams tonight.

  • Oh sunshine, how I adore thee.

  • Woke up to a yard full of trash and toilet paper. Gotta love those rascals, I mean adolescents.

  • Wishes someone would just buy our house already.

  • Ready for a shower and a tall glass of water!

Monday, September 07, 2009

Some things should not be bought in bulk.

Such as syrup.

You may be asking yourself, "but why not?"

This is why not.

It's not very fun trying to clean up a full 1/2 gallon of sticky, gooey, ant-inviting syrup that spilled all over the kitchen floor and under the refrigerator.

So not cool!

Luke thought he would make himself a waffle and climbed up the cabinet to reach the syrup that was on the top shelf. It slipped right out of his hands and BAM - the plastic bottle burst open. Ugh!

Even after the tedious clean up process, the floor still has a tacky feel to it and our kitchen is permeated with the smell of maple.

The last time Luke tried to make himself a snack all by himself this is what happened.

Can you even guess what that is a picture of?

That would be a burnt corn dog with the plastic wrapper melted around it.

Not being able to read yet, he pushed whatever button looked right to him. 4 minutes later - ta da - burnt carcinogen on a stick.

Tomorrow is his first day of preschool. I hope he doesn't get put on snack duty.

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Time to get up!

It's only day two of the new school year and I am struggling to adjust to waking up to an alarm clock. 6:15 rolls around way too fast!

I had this ancient alarm clock from the 80's that was on it's final days. Luckily last week I attempted to practice waking up early. I wasn't very successful, but I tried. Hubby asked me why I didn't get up when the alarm went off. I told him that I must have set it wrong because it didn't go off. But he insisted it did and I just didn't hear it.

The next day I made sure it was set properly and sure enough, it did go off, but the alarm noise that's supposed to be loud and piercing was a muted, silent beckoning. My alarm clock was being polite. I'm all about being courteous, especially in the early morning hours, but in order for a clock to do it's job I need loud and abrasive.

So I went out and bought a new alarm clock yesterday. And it does the job. But the snooze button is a bit too convenient. I could place the clock across the room so that it would make me get out of bed to shut if off, but then I wouldn't be able to see it without putting my glasses on and that's just plain irritating. I'm as blind as a bat. If it's not in front of my face, it doesn't exist. Sad, but true.

The alarm went off this morning with it's loud and obnoxious beeping and smack dab in the middle is the largest button on the device - snooze. Yep, so I hit that bad boy about 3 times and each time I gently fell back asleep. What a lovely feeling, that is until the irritating beeping wakes me back up. At least it's doing it's job. And maybe some day I won't need it any longer, but until that day the clock and I will have a love hate relationship.

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Best Laugh I've had in a Long Time!

I am sure this has been going around for awhile now, but I honestly felt like I had an intense ab workout after watching this video. I even had to wipe the tears from my eyes - it was that good.

It's the news anchors that make it even funnier.

Sunday, August 09, 2009

Nothing's going to hold him back.

It's been almost three weeks since Carson fell and broke his arm.

And one would think a cast from the knuckles up to one's armpit would slow them down quite a bit - not my child.

I am so impressed with this boy's positive attitude and the ways he works around the cast. Some days I forget he even has one on and I think he does too. He is still adamant about keeping it "blue" meaning he does not want anyone to sign it. And occasionally he'll talk about when the time comes to have it taken off. He does express a bit of concern and thinks they are going to use a chain saw to remove it taking his arm along with it. I've assured him that his arm will remain attached to his body.

Wednesday we have an appointment to have it checked and get another x-ray to see how well the bone is mending. From there it may be 3 more weeks of the cast, unfortunately not in time for the first day of school.

Maybe by then he'll be ready for some autographs and artwork.

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Times sure have changed.

Luke, being 4 years old, still has issues with keeping dry. He gets so wrapped up in what he's doing that he'll forget to take potty breaks unless I remind him to.

After the gym this evening we decided to meet up with some friends for dinner. After we were done eating I noticed Luke's pants were damp. We came home and I cleaned him up for the night, but was quite frustrated.

I asked Luke, "What is it going to take to get you to remember to stop and use the potty before it's too late?"

He replied, "I don't know."

So I said, "What if I buy you something? How about that?" Thinking he'd really go for that idea and ask for candy or a small toy, etc.

You know what my 4 year old boy said he wanted?

An ipod!

Thursday, July 23, 2009

There's a birthday boy in da house!

T - thoughtful, thinker, tranquil, talented

A - affectionate, advanced, adventurous, accomplished

Y - youthful, yield to authority

L - leader, loving, loyal

O - organized, observant, outstanding, original

R - resourceful, respectful, reliable

Today we celebrate the special person you are Taylor, and wish you a fun filled 12th birthday.

You gave us the privilege of becoming parents for the first time and we've enjoyed all the firsts of parenthood that we have experienced with you. You have been such a joy in our lives.

You also have such a wonderful spirit about you and never miss an opportunity to pull a quick one on your parents. Your humor and zest for life are a breath of fresh air and bring a smile to our face.

I see a bright and promising future for you my son. The sky is the limit. Live out your dreams and don't settle for anything less because you deserve the best that life has to offer.

We love you and are so proud of everything you do. We feel honored to call you our son.

Hugs and kisses on your special day today!


Mom and Dad

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Boy + Tree = ER

Summer just wouldn't be complete without a trip to the emergency room.

That is exactly where Carson and I spent 4 hours last night after he fell when swinging from a tree limb in our front yard. I was in the driveway vacuuming the van and didn't see it happen. Fortunately, Taylor was outside and walked him over to me. His arm was red in the crook of his elbow so I brought him inside, had him lay down on the couch and applied ice.

In the pit of my stomach I had a feeling that this accident would require a trip to the ER. And this would be the first trip for Carson. The last (and first) time we made a visit to the ER for one of our boys was when Taylor was 2 years old and had croup. So we had a nice quiet span of close to 10 years without any incidents. That is a pretty good record for a family with 3 crazy busy boys.

I sent the other 2 boys to the neighbors house and called Jason at work to tell him what was going on. He left work in the middle of a huge downpour that was going on in Cleveland, but made it home safely.

Carson was very nervous and in pain - not a fun combination. While we were waiting, an older lady who was on a bed was wheeled past us. Carson looked at her and back at me and asked, "Is that lady half dead?"

We finally got in for x-rays 2 1/2 hours later at which this point the pain my poor boy had to endure was really taking a toll on him. The technician asked if anyone had given him any pain meds, but of course not - that would be too practical of a thing to do. After 5 grueling x-rays they put us in a room, gave him a temporary cast/splint, and FINALLY gave him some pain meds. It did end up being a fracture in the area of his elbow joint, which they said was an odd location for a break to happen. After that we were sent on our way home.

The medication seemed to kick in right away and Carson turned into a little chatterbox. He asked me if I was happy that he didn't pass out and he also told me he liked how nice I was being to him. As if I'm not that nice all the time - come on!

I treated him to Burger King since he was starving and had not eaten since lunch. Then we came home to settle him in for the night. I went back out to try and find a pharmacy that was still open at 10:30 pm. I had no such luck and came back home after a half hour of driving around.

Carson slept fairly well as we had him set up on a mattress in our room so that I could keep an eye and ear on him. Every hour or so he would call my name and would want me to adjust his pillows, but for the most part he did very well.

We went to get his 'permanent' cast in place this morning along with filling his prescription and that was pretty much non-eventful, thankfully.

Now we wait 6 weeks - and try to keep an active boy at bay. Any suggestions on how to do that? And the itching in the cast has already begun. It's going to be a long countdown. I may need my own Rx.

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

These boys are something else!

Here is another installment of my on going series of kid sayings that my 3 boys supply me with. The majority of today's excerpts come from Luke who recently turned 4 years old. It's a great dose of humor that makes me smile. I hope it does the same for you.


I asked Luke what he wanted for lunch and he said, "The crab macaroni." Not sure what he meant I asked him to explain it. He said, "the sea shell kind." Oh- you mean the Kraft Shells and Cheese? Yep.

Luke and I were petting Fritz, my parent's dog during one of his rare quiet and calm moments. Luke laid his head on the dog's chest and said, "His heart is wiggling, no, it's bumping."

While walking to the gym in the parking lot Carson spotted a cloth on the ground. He pointed at it and said, "Look someones hank chief."

Luke was eating a popsicle and I look over at him and see him giving it kisses. He noticed me watching him and said, "Mom, this is Princess Leia."

Luke being under 4 feet tall was standing between my dad and I as we were having a conversation. Luke interrupts us and bluntly states, "Papa, you have boogers in your nose."

I had a hard work out at the gym and at home I was sitting at the table with my eyes closed. I told Luke that all I wanted to do was go to bed. Luke replied, "Well, walk upstairs! Are you old?"

I yelled to Luke in the other room and asked him if he had his flip flops on. He replied, "No, I just have my feet on."

Monday, July 20, 2009

Entertaining may not be my thing.

Saturday night we invited a couple over to dinner at our house. This was the first time we had Kristin and Aaron over and I wanted to make sure we made a good first impression. In the past my attempt at first impressions did not go so well. I didn’t want to jinx myself again so I vowed to keep it simple.

I supplied the pasta and fruit salad along with corn on the cob and brownies for dessert. The other couple provided the beer and burgers. Easy enough, right?

Well, let’s just say the burgers did not want to cooperate. Aaron even made the comment before they came over saying, “You’re not going to bring that box of ghetto burgers, are you?”

Hubby put the ghetto burgers on the grill and it started off ok. They were sizzling and smoking away like normal burgers do. I glanced over and made a comment about the flame broiled burgers and the increasing size of the flames all the while our guests are witnessing the entire scene play out. Then, in an instant, the innocent B.K. smoke turned into a rolling black cloud of pollution. We had a grease fire on our hands.

Hubby’s yelling at me to grab the hose while he’s doing his best to keep the flames at bay. I ran over to the hose and turned it on, not realizing that the sprinkler was still attached. There was no time to unhook it, so I rush over to the grill with sprinkler in hand while being blinded by the thick dark smoke coming from the grill. During this process I realized I had accidentally sprayed Kristin’s jeans.

Luckily the water did the trick and the flames were diminished. But the burgers, let’s just say they could no longer be considered food - more like charcoal bricks. Kristin and I decided to go to the store and get some new burgers - the leanest one’s possible.

Thankfully there were no issues with the second batch of burgers and we finally got around to eating after 8 pm. It was about time for dessert so I put some chocolate frosting on the brownies and set one out for each of us. The kids were playing in the basement and I figured they would come up to get one when they were ready.

In the meantime, we were all sitting around the kitchen table and Luke walks up to me with a disgusted look on his face holding his hand out with frosting on it. I noticed he had not yet had his brownie. I grab his wrist and ask him what he did. He replies, “poop.” I freak out and say, “No way! Where did it come from?” And his simple response was, “my butt.”

I rush him upstairs to the bathroom and clean him up. Apparently what he assumed was a fart was a little more than what he expected. He 'sharted' in his underwear.

Once he was cleaned up, I came back down and see that Kristin is busting out laughing. “Oh no, now what?” I said. She replied, “I think I know where Luke was,” and walked me over to the main floor bathroom. I walked in and there was brown smears all over the bathroom. On the sink, on the toilet, on the wall, on the floor, on the light switch.


I yelled for Carson and Luke to get their rear-ends to me immediately and asked them who made this mess. Luke insisted it was not him and Carson had the guilty look on his face and confessed it was him. I was not happy and said, “Don’t you know how to wipe your butt by now?” And Carson replied, “It’s a brownie.”

Thank goodness! I had my share of crap for the night.

Needless to say the night was full of memorable first impressions, not quite how I expected it to go, but definitely eventful. Sure we know how to entertain, just not in your traditional way.

Sunday, June 28, 2009


Do you want to know how I celebrate becoming a fitness instructor?  

A pizza delivered to my house and a sale made on  Craigslist.  

Do I know how to party or what?!?!!


This weekend I spent 16 hours in training classes in order to get some group exercise certifications.  Sunday morning I had to wake up at 4 AM in order to make the 2.5 hour drive to Columbus for a full day of training.  Back to back grueling training days have left me exhausted in addition to the other 5 days I worked out this week.  Intense doesn't even being to explain it, but I totally love what I am going to be doing and it is worth every ounce of effort and sweat that was poured out.  

So when I got home Sunday night, Jason left to go out to eat with his long time buddy who was in town visiting (prior band mates in high school) and of course I was too tired to make anything for dinner.  I did what any sensible half-awake zombie person would do and ordered an extra large New York style cheese pizza for dinner.  So much for the brutal work outs this weekend. 

I plopped down (literally) with my pizza and my 2nd glass of wine and checked my email.  To my surprise I had a request for an item I posted on Craigslist.  A few emails back and forth later, we made arrangements for them to stop by the house in the next 15 minutes to pick up their purchase.  

"Sweet!" I thought to myself - "I'm making $5!  That will pay for a fourth of the pizza I just bought."  

I look over a few more emails, check my facebook page, drink some more wine and double check the last email I sent to Mr. Craigslist Purchaser.    

As I blink through my bloodshot, dried-out eyeballs, I noticed that I mistyped my address.  


Luckily the dude left me his home phone number, so I quickly give it a ring, hoping he hadn't left his house yet.  No such luck.  I gave it a second try with no answer once again. 

I took the item outside and placed it at the end of my driveway and went back in side to check out Mapquest and look up the incorrect address I entered to see if I could intercept him on his way.  Well, Mapquest is retarded or maybe it's just me.  (Don't respond to that.)  It showed a house on the map right down the street from me.  I grab my slice of pizza and cell phone and start trotting down the street barefoot.  

Hillbilly central.

I got down the street to where Tardquest said the house was, but no such place existed.  So I merrily scampered back home and waited for the next vehicle to pass by.  

As I am standing there next to the item, still eating my slice of pizza, a car drives by.  I wave to them, point to the item, and shrug my shoulders.  I sort of looked like a ravenous, crazed, black market street dealer ready to make a sale.  The people just looked at me like I belonged in a mental institute and kept driving.  

A 2nd vehicle drove past and this one was going slower than usual, so I knew it was very probable that it was my buyer.  I did my wave and shrug and the guy looks at me at first with a puzzled look and then stops and rolls his window down.   

He mentions the incorrect address and I explain to him what a freak I am and that I've been up since 4 am and need to learn how to type correctly.  

We both got a good laugh out of it.  And that, my friends, is how I celebrated my demanding, yet rewarding weekend.     

Saturday, June 20, 2009

A guest post

Today's post is brought to you by a special guest.  My dad.  He keeps a journal and writes in it every day recapping the day's events.  I guess you could technically call him a blogger, without actually posting it online for the world to see.  He's an underground blogger.  I'm trying to bring him over to the other side - muahahaha!  

I've had the pleasure of reading some of his material and really enjoy the way he writes.  He's got some good stories!

They just got back from a week long vacation to Rhode Island with a few other couples.  The story below is from one of the nights they were there.  And just to clarify: 
  • Linda is my mom's best friend (since they were kids) 
  • Janet is my mom
  • This is written from my dad's perspective


Life after 60

Just when you think the day’s adventures are over, we can always count on Linda to bring on another one.  This one started with a number of federal agents escorting a naval admiral to a restaurant right across the driveway from our time share.  They were still there after several hours when we decided to walk over to our friends time share.  As we came out, the feds and the admiral were in the process of leaving.  The vehicles they were using had flashing lights which attracted the attention of passersby, not to mention the suited guys with the serious faces.  

After they pulled away, Linda, Janet and I were standing in front of the Red Parrot restaurant where the admiral had his dinner.   A coupe of young fellows came up and asked Linda what was going on and who the important person was.  As Linda was explaining to them what she knew, out of nowhere (as Linda put it afterwards) she let loose with a very harsh sounding shot of gas.  (That’s a fart for those of you who prefer bluntness.) I was standing a good 30 feet away and was surprised at the decibel level at which it was delivered.  The two fellows she was talking to said, “Whoa!” (one of them even jumped back) and quickly walked away not waiting to hear the rest of the story or anything else she might have stored up.  

I disappeared around the corner doubled over in laughter.  Janet was so impressed by the sheer power of it, all she could say was, “Awesome!”  And poor Linda was trying to understand how something that powerful could appear without warning. From then on for the next 10 minutes, all we could do was wheeze.  

Tourists... honestly!

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Ode to the dog (Wordless Wednesday - sort of, okay not really)

This is Fritz the D . O . G.

Upon the couch is where he likes to be.

His world revolves around around his Daddy and toys.

Much to his pleasure but to others he annoys.

He's one quirky mutt to say the least, 

and he's sure to give kisses to whoever he meets.

The boys can't get enough of this pup they adore,

And the feeling is mutual 'cause he comes back for more.

For more Wordless Wednesday click here.

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Lost in the lyrics (again)

Awhile back I posted about misunderstanding the lyrics of songs.  Since then I have realized a few things. 

 1) My hearing is not what it used to be.  Actually that's not true.  I've been hearing the wrong lyrics in songs since I was a kid and it continues to this day.

Let's try this.

2) Artists sing about strange things.  Or maybe it's just me thinking I am hearing strange things.

For instance, why would you sing about dying without chew?  I mean tobacco chew is what could actually make you die, not living without it.  PM Dawn sure has that song all wrong.  

Oh wait, what's that they're singing?  "I'd die without you."  Ah!  That makes a bit more sense.

And that other 80's song by Til Tuesday.  "Hush, hush, keep it down now, this is scary."  What is so scary that you have to keep quiet about? I heard this song on our satellite radio the other day.  The nice (and humbling) thing about satellite radio is that they display the artists name and song title on the screen.  That is when I learned the truth about this song called "Voices Carry".  So that's why she's singing about keeping her voice down.  

Should I continue on with this embarrassment?  Oh, why not!  

I have always liked Prince or is he still going by The Artist Formerly Known as Prince (insert some strange symbol)?  Either way he provided me with an opportunity to get lost in the lyrics of "Little Red Corvette."  Now I have to give myself some credit here - this song was popular when I was just a kid.  And my family was friends with another family who had a daughter named Colette.  Are you starting to follow me on this one yet?  So every time I would hear this song I always thought it was about this girl and Prince was singing, "Live it Colette." 

I'll be the first to admit it - yes, I am a dork.  And proud of it!

How about one more for old time's sake?  Then I promise I am done and will keep the rest to myself.  Deal?  

There's a trend here - 80's music.  You've got to love Mr. Mister.  My brother had one of their records, so I had my chance to listen to it over and over again which could have benefited me in getting the right lyrics down, but instead it ingrained the wrong lyrics in my head for eternity.  Remember the song Kyrie? Great song, right?  But man did I have those lyrics all wrong.  This is what they are actually singing: 
"Kýrie, eléison, down the road that I must travel
Kýrie, eléison, through the darkness of the night"
But my twisted and young mind sang it this way, "Carry a laser down the road that I must travel.  Carry a laser through the darkness of the night." 

You never know when you're going to need a laser, kind of like a flashlight.

You can stop laughing at me now.  

Do you know what the definition of 'Kyrie eleison' is?  

It's Greek for "Lord, have mercy." 

Maybe you could all show me some of that mercy right about now.          

Monday, June 15, 2009

You know what they say about kids

They sure say the darndest things.  Here we go again with another installment from my boys.

While in the car Luke announced that he doesn't like O's.  I asked what's wrong with the letter O?  And he responded, "Because they're too O-ey."

Luke and I were outside and a guy runs past us with his shirt off.  Luke saw him and right as he was within 12 feet of us he said, "That guy's strong!"

While driving in the van on a beautiful day I had the windows down.  We drove past a garden center where there was a large fresh pile of strong pungent smelling mulch.  As the smell entered our van Luke said, "Pee-u.  What's that smell?"  I told him it was the mulch.  Then he asked, "Does mulch fart?"

During the summer months at the church we go to we bring Taylor and Carson with us while Luke goes to his pre-school class.  During Carson's first "adult" church experience he was very curious and was looking around.  The offering plate was being passed and after it came to us Carson said, "I thought they were passing around pie."

During the same church service and after sitting and listening to the pastor speak for a half hour, Carson leaned over to me and asked, "Mom, is that guy getting tired yet?"

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Who can I yell at next?

Our garage sale was a success for the most part.  I made a decent amount of cash and got rid of a lot of junk treasures.  And the larger items that didn't sell at the sale I posted on Craigslist, which I was a little hesitant at first from the last situation that I encountered, but I figured how much could someone try and rip me off from a Thomas the Train bedding set.  Really?

Granny panties stopped by for a visit and to check out my book collection.  I almost didn't recognize her with pants on.  She spent a whopping $0.75 on some tea light candles.   

The kids each scored some cash from selling cookies and water at the sale.  Plus I was a nice mom and gave the boys $10 each since they somewhat willingly parted with their toys.  

Today the boys wanted to go to Target and spend their money that was burning a hole in their pocket.  They're totally not savers, which I suppose I should work on that concept with them, but I felt they deserved a reward.

Carson and Luke each picked out a new light saber to add to the collection of light sabers we already own.  We're starting our own Star Wars gang so if your kids ever come over for a play date don't worry if you forget to bring a light saber - we've got you covered.  Plus we have plenty of costumes and other props to make it a fun time for all.

At the check out I wasn't paying attention to the boys which I thought were right behind me.  So when I heard one of them ask if we could buy a popcorn I sternly without looking said, "No - not today."  I look up at the cashier who is chuckling and then look back at my boys who were not behind me like I thought they were.  So, yeah I totally just yelled at someone else's kid who was now clinging to his mother's leg.  Meanwhile my boys are ahead of me checking out the popcorn.  

My face sure matched the color of the bulls-eye as I walked out of Target. 

When we got home I noticed that a bowl of soup that Taylor had left on the counter was now spilled all over the kitchen floor and sticky dog prints were mixed in the mess.  And this occurred after I spent the entire morning deep cleaning the entire house for company we have coming tonight.  I had already mopped the floors and now have to re-mop that area.  And of course the dog is going to need a bath because who wants to pet a dog that's sticky and smells like soup?  

Do I yell at Taylor who left the soup out or yell at the dog who helped herself?  Why don't I just go back to Target and pick my next victim? That seems to be working well for me.    

Monday, June 08, 2009

Granny panties and dentures

Maybe that should be the name of my blog since it's been ages since I last posted.  It's kind of catchy don't you think?  

But no, I'm not changing my name again.  

I decided to have a garage sale this past weekend.  I made signs and posted them throughout the surrounding neighborhoods along with some of the signs I had purchased at the store.  I placed an ad in the 'local' paper which ended up being the wrong paper.  I found out there are like 6 other local papers that the main garage sale people look at.  How was I supposed to know that when all we get is the Wall Street Journal?  Hey, I could have advertised globally!  

The night before the sale my oldest son Taylor and I decided to drive around and check out how the signs looked.  In the adjoining neighborhood, I noticed that two of my signs were missing.  My first thought was that maybe some punk kids took them as a prank, but I recalled that this was a retirement community so I decided to investigate further.  

I pulled up to a neighbor's house where a couple was out in their yard and asked them if they knew anything about garage sale signs being confiscated.  That's where I first learned of the sign Nazi.  Supposedly this guy goes around and is the neighborhood watch man who will take down any sign because he's crazy part of the home owners association and in that neighborhood it is written in the bi-laws that garage sales are not allowed.  


I am thankful I don't live in that part of the neighborhood.  

After finding out about this old dude and where he lived I was hot and ready for a confrontation.  Yes, I went to his house (with my son) and knocked on his door at 8pm Thursday evening.

An older lady answers the door in a t-shirt and underwear!  Total granny panties.  As much as I tried not to look down I couldn't believe what I was seeing and not wanting to see.  You know what they say about a car wreck - you just can't believe what you're seeing and can't look away.  That is what I felt like.  

I asked if the man of the house was home, but she said he was asleep.  So I continued to ask if she knew of any reason someone would take down my garage sale signs.  She immediately got defensive saying she didn't know anything about the signs, but there are no garage sales allowed in the neighborhood.  I explained to her that I placed my sign on the outside of the subdivision not even in any one's yard.  Then she told me to go to her garage where she opened it and walked out (still in her underwear) holding my hand made sign.  (At this point Taylor decided to wait in the van - he'd seen enough.)

Sure - she didn't know anything about signs.  Puh-lease!  

At this same time another couple pulls up asking about their signs that they placed in the neighborhood.  The three of them start to argue and out comes the man I originally came to see.  He walks out of the garage in his robe and slippers and I notice he is placing his dentures in his mouth.  He begins to yell at these other people and obscenities are flying.  All I wanted to do at this point was crawl away with my sign.  

The other neighbors decide to drive away and the robe-wearing-denture man walks into his garage and comes back out holding my other store bought sign.  I was so excited to get both of my signs back that I almost forgot I saw a lady in her undies and a man insert his teeth.  

The lady instantly changes her demeanor and starts apologizing profusely.  She grabs my hand and starts acting like my best friend, asking about my garage sale and if I am selling any books.  

What. just. happened?  

I thank her for my signs and start backing away making some excuse that I need to get home.  

I had to apologize to my son for having to see what he saw.  He might be scarred for life.  But I was glad I decided to follow through, even if it meant meeting some crazy, rule-abiding, half-naked, toothless neighbors.